Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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