There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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