like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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