Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How's work?
Spinning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
