I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
