oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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