I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
