bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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