He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
