she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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