My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
