Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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