he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
