I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
