i permit you to call me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
