i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
