did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
