He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
