she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
