my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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