worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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