WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im holly from the hills drunk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
