Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
