I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
