I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
