sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
