OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
