He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
