Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
