Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
