He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
