i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
