Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
