I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I die, sorry about rent.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
