He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
