You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
