whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
