If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
