OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
