So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
