Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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