Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
