Me. At least after what I've been through.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
