Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
