if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
