god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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