Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
