He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize