we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
