she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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