so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
