Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize