The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She is in my trunk
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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